Mothering hamza was so new and unpredictable and different. I was unsure, i didnt know right from wrong. I was treading ever-so-slightly the untravelled path, afraid of making a mistake, of doing wrong by him. I didnt know what to expect, when to expect. I was a new mother with all the classic new-mother traits.
But i LOVED doing it. I thrived on it. I had never felt more like myself. I grew a ton as a person. I was happiest than i had ever been. I experienced emotions i had never felt before. They filled me with empathy and strength. I realized that this was what i was i meant to be : a mother. It came naturally as it does to every mother.
I needed more of this. This time i would be prepared, i wouldnt blink cause i knew at any second i could get that first smile, that first roll-over, the first sit-up. i knew what was going to come and i was waiting for it while holding my breath with joy and excitement. This time i knew how fleeting every stage is and i was going to savour it as much as i could. This time i knew what joy was, what happy felt like, and i was gonna cherish it with all my might!
AZAAN. I always think of him as a GIFT i gave to myself. Knowingly, wanting deeply, fiercely. With every passing day, the joy of that gift keeps increasing manifold. You are such a treasure! Its such a joy to be your Mama. I love you ever so much and then some more.
Happy Birthday my beautiful, beautiful boy!