Baking cakes and lasagna, taking out the recyclables, (still) unpacking some boxes, mopping the floors, making pasta lunches, stocking the pantry, folding little pjs, wiping runny noses, cleaning the sandy car. Whiling away the hours in simple, honest, real work.
Sometimes i crave for what’s “out there” and feel more full and more alive. Other times, I turn inwards and choose to see the beauty in real, raw moments. The simple, ordinary life.
Why do we search for external validation to feel contentment? Why can’t it be enough what we have right now, this very moment? The faint whispers, the subtle colors.
Oh well.. The heart wants what it wants and we all try to hold onto sand in our clenching fists at some point or the other.
My wishful trail of thoughts goes something like this —
I want to sit back on our wooden deck with feet up and a cuppa by my side, but there is a greasy oven calling out to be cleaned.
I want to goto the beach at dusk and hear the ocean roar over the setting sun, but there is meals to be cooked and floors to be scrubbed.
I want to head to the local library as soon as i wake up, and spend all day roaming idly along the aisles, running my hand on the thick spines of the dusty volumes, inhaling the musty smell of old books, taking my sweet time to select a few and then spend the next hours deeply immersed in them, tapping my fingers along the words,without a care in the world; but there is little humans to be fed and bathed, looked after and taken care of.
I want to sleep in — for just one day — just lie in the bed even after i am wide awake, and not report for Mama duty of diaper change, toilet run and breakfast routine as soon as the clock chimes the set hour my little ones wake up.
I want to not think about making a wholesome lunch or dinner or do the dishes, and just eat straight out of a cereal box or smash open a family size bag of chips and call it a day.
I want to go to the movies, i just really want to goto the movies cause i havent been for the last five years (save an odd trip or two).
I want to head out the door when i hear rain splashing the porch, barefoot and in my PJs, and not think about an unmade bed.
I want to bask in the sunshine, roll in the sand, eat hot chips all day long, and not think about routines and drop offs and schedules.
I want to hold onto the song of the ocean without fussing about the sand peppered all over the floors.